The Collaborative Law Approach
Testimonials
Click the links below to learn more about Collaborative Divorce from two couples who have experienced it. We are glad we chose Collaborative Law for our divorce. The process wasn’t easy – it stretched us more than we anticipated – but the result was worth it. Our advice to you is this: “Stick with it. These decisions are too important to be left up to a stranger.” – Jennifer and Ted V., parents of Clarke and Michelle I was very nervous before our first Collaborative Law meeting. My husband and I had not had a meaningful conversation since he moved out, and my imagination was running wild with all the things that could go wrong for me. I think I took three breaks during that first meeting, just to make sure I didn’t completely lose control in front of my husband and his attorney. I learned from that meeting, though, that the Collaborative team was going to make sure that my voice was heard during our meetings – just as they were going to make sure I was aware of my husband’s interests. I was especially grateful to my husband’s attorney. He made me feel that what I was saying was important to him, even though his job was to represent my husband. I began to actually look forward to our meetings in a strange way, because I felt stronger and more in control of my life after each one. My attorney became my “gentle agent of reality,” as she liked to call herself. A turning point came for me during one meeting when my husband was trying very hard to show me how I should invest the assets I was getting from our divorce so they could last me for the rest of my life. It hit me that what he was telling me made a lot of sense, and that maybe he was really trying to be kind to me, instead of trying to control me, as I had assumed. I looked at him and said, “Thank you. I appreciate the fact that you care about my future.” At that moment I think I let the seeds of forgiveness into my heart, and I believe it encouraged my husband to be more generous with me than either of us had ever considered. At the end of the process, I still felt sad that my marriage was ending. I knew a lot more about myself, though, and I felt that the relationship between my husband and me was in tact, although it was certainly different than the way I had hoped it would be. Now, we can be at our son’s events together without being uncomfortable. We have talked, and I don’t think either of us has any regrets about how we handled our divorce. The Collaborative Law process truly allowed us to make the best of a bad situation. – Catherine R. There were many times that either my wife or I wanted to give up on the Collaborative Law process when we hit a rough spot. Each time, our team reminded us of what we had identified in the early meetings as our “underlying interests” and had us re-evaluate whether we were moving toward satisfying those interests. I learned to quit thinking of the divorce as a competition between my wife and me and realize that [our son] will be better off if we are able to work together as his parents. I have seen the damage that gets done to relationships between parents and children when they engage in a court battle. I feel certain that my son’s life will be better because his mother and I chose the Collaborative Law process for our divorce. – Glen P. My husband had started a business during the marriage that has done very well. I could not run the business and we could not agree on how much it was worth, so I was very afraid that I was going to be a bag lady while my husband lived high on the hog. When I found out that Collaborative Law was an option I felt I was a good candidate for it, but I had my doubts about my husband. He had been very secretive with me, and I was not convinced that I could trust him. We both agreed to try Collaborative Law when our lawyers suggested that, as part of the process, we could include a neutral financial advisor on our “team” who would talk to us about how to divide our assets in a way that would meet both of our needs. I don’t think either of us would have signed up for Collaborative Law if the financial expert had not been there. The financial neutral helped us come up with a settlement that both my husband and I agreed would work. Part of the plan was an agreement by each of us that, if we ever remarried, we would enter into a pre-marital agreement keeping the assets that came from our divorce separate and that those assets would be left to our children and their families at the time of our death – something that our attorneys were quick to tell us we would never get in court. Last December, my ex-husband and I were able to stand together in church at the christening of our first grandchild. Since that is something my parents were never able to do for me, I am grateful that I took a chance on Collaborative Law.
– Rachel B.